The Most Comforting Thing In The World
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Teddy thinks he's abnormal. Can Charlie convince him that actually, he's perfectly normal... whatever normal is?


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **Written for Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition**

 **Holyhead Harpies, Beater 2**

 **Main Prompt** \- _Theme - coming into your own, i.e. a "coming of age" kinda story where your character is able to identify the uniqueness of their personality, their likes and dislikes, their opinions and beliefs, and is able to be comfortable in their own skin without succumbing to peer pressure while accepting that it's ok to be different._

 **Optional Prompts** \- _4\. Frustrated / 6. Belittle_

 _Beta'd by Sam and Lizzy_

 **Word Count** \- 2326

 _Also Written for Hogwarts Assignment 4; Muggle Cultures, Task 1. Someone becoming an adult._

* * *

 **The Most Comforting Thing In The World**

* * *

The kiss felt wrong, the same way it always did, but Teddy ignored the feeling and kissed back, putting his hands on her waist. He'd seen others do that when they were with their partners, and thought that mimicry in this instance was probably a good way to go.

He hated that this didn't feel right.

When he was younger, when the others were just starting to date and explore, Teddy joined in because it was what everyone else was doing. He had no inclination towards girls, or boys for that matter, but he wanted to fit in.

For so long he'd thought that maybe he just needed to find the right person, that it would feel better if he found someone that was right for him.

Victoire was perfect. She was beautiful, she was funny, she was smart. He couldn't have wanted a better girlfriend, and yet, every time she touched him, he wanted to cringe away from her touch.

During his last year at Hogwarts, the other boys in his dorm chatted happily amongst themselves about bases and secret hiding places and late night meetings. Teddy listened with a growing horror because not only had he not done any of those things, he didn't _want_ to.

He had the excuse of a younger girlfriend, Victoire a fifth year to Teddy's seventh, but he knew that eventually, Victoire would want more as well.

The very thought of touching in _that_ way was enough to turn Teddy green; sometimes literally, because his hair changed to match his mood when he wasn't paying attention.

Kissing Victoire goodbye at the station was both painful and a relief. He'd miss her, very much so, because he _did_ love her. He craved her company, and he loved the quiet moments when she lounged against his side, tucked under his arm because she fit there perfectly. In the same vein, it was a relief that for a few months, he would be able to stop pretending to enjoying the passionate kisses and overeager touches.

He saw her onto the train, pressing a final, gentle kiss against her lips, before he rejoined Harry's side. It crossed his mind to talk to his godfather about how he was feeling, but he shook it off.

Harry had the kids to think about; he didn't need Teddy's weirdness adding to it. Teddy was supposed to be an adult now, he should be able to deal with his problems by himself.

…

Christmas came much faster than Teddy was expecting. It felt like no time at all had passed before he was once more at the platform, waiting for the Hogwarts Express.

Victoire was one of the first off the train, and she was in Teddy's arms within moments. Teddy hugged her tight, breathing in the familiar, comforting smell of her favourite perfume as he buried his face against her neck.

She clung to him, murmuring fragmented phrases about how much she'd missed and loved him.

When she kissed him, Teddy kissed her back, and for a moment, it felt good. It felt _nice_. Then the kiss deepened and that unwelcome feeling of _wrongwrongwrong_ was back and Teddy had to fight to keep himself from flinching away.

When she pulled away, it was with a beautiful smile and a light in her eyes. "I missed you," she said, her voice clearer now that she wasn't muttering into his skin.

"I missed you too," he replied immediately, and he wasn't lying. He took her hand and they moved over to where their family was waiting, ready to head off to the Burrow for a family Christmas.

…

Her hands were everywhere and he couldn't… he didn't… it wasn't… He broke the kiss, pushing her away, gently but firmly.

He hated the hurt look in her eyes, but his skin was crawling and he felt like he was going to vomit, and he just…

"I can't do this," he murmured. "I'm so sorry, Vic. I just… I can't."

Shaking his head, mostly at himself for being so _weird,_ he left the bathroom where Victoire had pulled him for a private five minutes away from the prying eyes of the many people crammed into the Burrow.

He moved down the stairs in a daze, ignoring the calls of his name as he slipped out of the back door and onto the frozen ground of the garden. He'd always loved this garden, and he had many happy memories over the years here.

In fact, it was the first place he'd kissed Victoire, his hair flushing along with his skin in his embarrassment.

He wished now that he hadn't done that. In his effort to be _normal,_ he'd hurt the girl he loved. Because he did _love her._ He really did; she was one of the most important people in his life. He just couldn't…

He tugged his hand through his hair, frustrated at himself, frustrated at the world. Why couldn't he just be _normal?_

"You okay, Ted?"

Teddy turned to see Charlie standing just a little behind him, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a lighter, which he used to light a Muggle cigarette.

"That's a terrible habit," Teddy murmured, when Charlie stepped a little closer. The smell of the smoke was oddly comforting, like a long forgotten memory.

"Uh huh. It's your mother's fault, you know? She was the one who gave me my first cigarette."

Teddy's eyes widened. "Really?"

Charlie nodded. "Really, really. She was a wonderful woman, but she was also a _terrible_ influence on me when we were teenagers. She got me in all kinds of trouble."

Teddy chuckled, mortified when the sound was broken by a sob.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Charlie asked, his tone low and soothing, and Teddy couldn't help himself.

The words spilled from his mouth, how much he loved Victoire, but how wrong it felt when they did anything more than gentle kisses and snuggling. How he wanted to be normal, and how hard he'd tried.

How he just couldn't do the things that Victoire wanted from him, and how much of a failure that made him feel.

Charlie listened, his cigarette long finished by the time Teddy tapered off to an embarrassed silence.

"You know, when I was younger, I thought I was gay. I tried to kiss girls, and when that didn't work, I automatically assumed that it felt wrong because I'd chosen the wrong gender. Except… when I kissed a boy, it still felt wrong."

Teddy's eyes widened and he turned to look at Charlie. If Charlie had felt that way too, maybe Teddy _wasn't_ broken after all. Or maybe there was a way to _fix_ him.

"It was your mum who helped me," Charlie continued, smiling slightly. "I thought there was something wrong with me, and I was a _mess._ I tried to push everyone away, Tonks included. She didn't let me. She followed me around, irritating the life out of me until I finally broke down and told her just how… weird I was."

"What… what did my mum say?" Teddy asked, holding his breath for an answer that he now felt could be the most important thing he would ever hear.

"She hit me upside the head for using the word 'weird', and told me off for belittling myself and others like me." Charlie shook his head. "When I asked her what she meant, she dragged me outside, sat me down, and told me that I was probably 'ace'. Which, I mean, yeah, I'm amazing."

Teddy laughed despite his confusion.

"She hit me again for that reply. But then she explained to me that ace was short for asexual. It basically means that you have no sexual desire towards others, but it doesn't make you _broken."_

"But… but I love Victoire," Teddy whispered. "I love her. I just don't want to…"

"And that's fine. Of course, you're going to need to talk to Vic, and make sure that she can be satisfied in a relationship that isn't sexual, but Teddy; you deserve love just the same as anyone else. Just because you don't like sex, or even the idea of sex, it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy affection."

"But…"

"Just… sit with it, okay? Think about it. Not everybody needs or wants a label, Teddy, and if you find that's you, then that's okay too. But… that might be an explanation for the way you feel, and you need to know that it doesn't make you strange, or weird, or broken. We're all different, and really… what is _normal_?"

Charlie patted his shoulder lightly and headed back inside, leaving Teddy alone in the cold night air. Teddy looked up at the moon, shivering against the blustery winds that were steadily growing in strength.

Knowing that he needed to talk to Victoire, but not really knowing what he was going to say, he sighed before turning and following Charlie back inside.

…

"I…" Teddy shook his head, looking down.

He'd apologised to Victoire almost immediately when he'd returned to the house. She'd accepted, and curled into his side, and it was good. Fine.

Teddy felt like a heel for not explaining himself to her, but he could barely get his own mind around it, let alone try and explain it to her.

Now though, it was two days before her return to Hogwarts, and there was a barrier between them that was driving Teddy mad. He understood her hesitance to try and get close to him, after the disaster in the bathroom, but the lack of cuddles and talking had been driving him mad, and the hurt in her eyes when he caught her watching him was painful to see.

He'd pulled her outside, hoping for a moment of privacy while he tried to explain himself to her, but now that they were there, he didn't have the words.

"Teddy?"

"I… So. I love you. I feel like… you need to know that I love you, and I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and… well. But. I don't… I don't want to have sex, and it feels really uncomfortable when we do anything more than little kisses, and I thought I was broken but Charlie says that I could be asexual which means I don't find sex a comfortable thing but -"

"Teddy," Victoire interrupted, resting her hand on his. "Take a breath, please, before you pass out."

Teddy nodded, unable to look at her.

"I know that uncle Charlie is ace; my dad explained all about it when I was younger. Is that… in the bathroom, is that what happened? Is that why…?"

Teddy nodded. "Yeah. I… thought there was something… wrong with me. But… Charlie said it's normal, you know? That I don't… That I'm not… weird."

"Of course you're not," Victoire replied. "It… explains a lot. I always thought… well. I wondered if you were really… 'into' me, since you never seemed to want to…"

Teddy sighed sadly. "I love you, and kisses… you know the small ones, and cuddles with you are… pretty much the best thing in the world. But… I understand if you don't want to… carry on dating me. I can't give you the rest. I just… the very thought of it makes me cringe, Vic. I can't."

Victoire shook her head, huffing fondly. "Teddy, I love you too, you know I do. Just because we cannot… have sex or… I have never cared for being 'normal,' and if never having sex is the only sacrifice of being with you, then… well, it would not even be a sacrifice. I love all of _you_ , not certain parts of you."

"I… You really want to… stay with me?"

She chuckled, leaning into his side. "Of course I do. You are my Teddy-Bear, what would I do without my cuddles?"

"Vic-"

"I love you," she said firmly. "That is what I know, and that is all I need to know. The rest is… not as important. Tell me, would you push me to do things I didn't want to do?"

"Of course not," Teddy replied immediately. "I would never."

"Then you understand," she retorted simply.

Standing, she pulled him to his feet and led him inside, collapsing onto the sofa and pulling him with her.

"Help me with my Transfiguration homework?"

Teddy snorted. "So that's why you really kept me around, huh?" he asked, nudging her side. "You just want my prowess in Transfiguration."

Victoire rolled her eyes. She leant over and stole a chaste kiss from him, before she dropped her book in his lap. "Of course it is, what else could it possibly be?"

…

He held her tight in his arms, his shirt dampening with her tears.

"I'll miss you," she whispered.

His arms tightened for a moment before he gently pushed her away far enough so he could look at her. "Send me the next Hogsmeade date, and I'll come and see you. It's only a few months until Easter."

She nodded and he gently rubbed his thumb against her cheek to wipe away the remnants of her tears.

Pressing their lips together, Teddy revelled in the contact for a moment before he pulled away fully, leading her to the train.

"I love you," he murmured, running his hand through her hair.

"I love you too," she replied, leaning up for a last kiss. Teddy joined his family as the train pulled away. Charlie took a moment to raise his eyebrow at him and Teddy nodded, his smile wide and true.

Charlie grinned and winked.

Teddy couldn't believe how different two trips to the same place could feel, but as he left the platform a step behind Harry, he smiled to himself.

What Charlie had told him was true, labels _weren't_ necessary, but having one, knowing that he wasn't abnormal, was the most comforting thing in the world.


End file.
